blog transfer

hello everybody,

i will no longer be using this Blogger site. my blog has been moved to:

http://huilinn.wordpress.com

so please change your links! =)

Thanks,

LINNNNN

Banana!

Yes, i am one.

I am one of those unlucky yellow souls stuck with a stubbornly white inside. It's unfortunate that such a lover of all-things-Chinese like me could also be orientally illiterate.

Whenever people ask me why i am unable to converse in Chinese (an annoyingly flippant question but i always answer it nonetheless), i simply tell them that i went to an English school for my entire life, that both my parents speak English all the time (except for the odd Hokkien input or two during their conversations), i've been speaking English since i began to talk, and as a result, i've never managed to pick up any Mandarin at all.

The last statement is correct, but only partially correct. did you know that i attended Mandarin classes from the age of about five until i finally stopped at 15?

Yes, i have indeed been learning Mandarin for at least 10 years, if not more. An utter embarassment!

So why is it that my grasp of the language is still so weak? I'm tired of all the misinterpretations concerning my Bananahood. Here's the real meltdown on why i, to put it as simply as possible, suck at Mandarin.

As i mentioned before, i had been studying Mandarin since i was a wee child. However the problem was my severely short attention span. I was unable to devote all my neurons utterly to one particular task at any one time. my brain simply had the tendency to think of other things while i was supposed to be learning my tong yi ci and fan yi ci. Instead of memorizing my cheng yu, i spent more time daydreaming or analysing the people sitting around me.

Another crucial factor was my being a sad little child desperate for friendship. Although i made friends extremely easily and indeed i had copious amounts of them, i still had the continual and underlying fear that i might lose them in some way. This motivated me to spend my time generously in earning their trust and making them laugh by doing comical imitations of any mutual enemies. Not only that, i often interrupted class discussions and teaching time by shouting out smart-mouthed remarks or pointing out grammatical english mistakes in our ke ben. Oh i must have been such a joy to teach.

As i recount those days, i can now recognize the agony i put the teachers through in having to tolerate my in-class antics (although i'm sure most of them would genuinely admit that having me in their classes was thoroughly entertaining at times). Oh those poor lao shis... Notice i did not add "underpaid", because THAT they most certainly WEREN'T.

So no matter how many classes i went to, the amount of Mandarin that actually stuck with me was a shameful fraction of what was taught to me. i now feel really bad about having spent so much of parents' money on Mandarin tuition.

but i will say one thing for sure: a lot of the vocabulary has stuck with me, so that's good =) it's just the stringing together of words that proves difficult for me. Since i came to Adelaide, my Mandarin's been improving little by little. Speaking it definitely helps.

So, hopefully by the time i return to Malaysia for the holidays, my Mandarin would have improved enough for me to impress my friends a little. HAHA. I just hope they don't expect too much =P

funny conversation

A: hey, are you wearing make-up today?

B: umm... no... only eyeliner...

A: ........isn't that make-up?

B: well, yeah, if you consider eyeliner as make-up......

A: ?!?!?!?!?!

this exact conversation did actually happen today. it was hilarious.

empathy 101

ever since i came to Adelaide up until yesterday, i'd been feeling extremely sorry for myself.

would you feel sorry for me, too? oh poor little linn. she's all by herself in a foreign country, studying and working her butt off because her biology lab group is just a little incompetent in english, missing her family and her friends, feeling depressed when her friends don't make time for her, emotional whirlwinds, frequent moodswings, getting tired of walking around the city all the time just to get from one class to the other and then to the bus stop or train station.

oh the pain. oh the misery.

boo hoo hoo.

yes i will admit that was and always has been my attitude towards myself. i don't know if there is a scientific or medical term for my condition, but i have this mentality that my life is a movie. do you realize that movie characters always gain the sympathy of the audience? even if in the movie the characters seem to have to fend all by themselves, they actually have the support of the millions of people watching them go through all their hardships. and i now realize that this is my very problem. i always visualize my life as a movie and thus, inevitably, i expect sympathy out of others. that is why i always want to tell people about my depression and my hardship. and i don't think this is just me; i have thought about it and have collected this much: human nature makes it so that we want pity for being in the worst possible situation. just imagine two people talking about their lives to each other:

A: oh sheesh man life sucks. life is so difficult.

B: YOU'RE telling ME? i know life is difficult. for goodness' sake i have to wake up at 4am every morning to go to work.

A: so? i don't even have enough money for public transport. i have to WALK to work.

B: i have to walk to work too. and my workplace is further than yours.

A: so? i have to work longer hours than you. i am so tired after every day that i can't even stand properly anymore.

B: you think i'm not tired? right after work i have to do this and that and blah blah blah...

okay i don't know why i picked this particular scenario (i actually made it up) but doesn't this sound familiar to most of us? i don't know why people often try to boast about their hardships to each other... why do we want to boast about things like this? aren't they better kept in confidence between us and God? i still find myself a culprit of such a crime. i still want people to know the hardships i'm going through because, well, they ARE hardships! i never expected that i could feel so depressed and homesick all the time. people at school and church meetings often see me at my best. at my peak. they see me when i'm happiest and most bubbly and most adorable. what they've never seen is me bawling my eyes out on skype with my mum or me curled up amongst the blankets and school books and whatever else is lying on my bed, shivering and sniffling and not knowing how to feel better. only my closest friends and my closest family would know how i really am nowadays... yes, my emotions are that tumultous. but i do think i'm getting better at handling this. i still need to turn to the Lord more.

and yesterday my mum told me that she, too, is very lonely at home now that i'm not there. me and my mum, no matter how much we fight and argue, are the truest bluest best friends there could ever be. we have all our little secret languages and inside jokes that nobody else can understand. we laugh about things until we're mistaken for crazy. oh how i miss being with my mum. and it was only then that i realized that i had barely thought about how SHE feels. i can't imagine what it must be like for her. she must feel quite sad, too. and this is where i've learnt that self pity really doesn't do anything for us. it only makes us even more depressed because we wallow in our sorrows and we bathe in it, surrounding ourselves with recurring images of depressing things that happened to us; it makes us even more miserable. and self pity also closes up our mind to others and especially to the Lord. we really need to have a repentant and soft heart if we want the Lord to vitalize us...

somehow, my posts nowadays keep ending with some reference to the Lord Jesus =)

awesome!

and so from now on, i will always do my best not to judge others and not to feel sorry for myself all the time, but rather to let things be and submit to whatever the Lord brings to me.

hit, sunk.... and risen?

how would you feel if somebody knew something about you that you yourself felt so shameful and dejected about?

what if it was shoved in your face and you suddenly had to face the harsh, angry reality?

not being as cryptic as i'd hoped here, but i really do have the urge to type this post now. i've been thinking about why people blog. i guess there are some that have a huge followers list because of the unique content. i am aware that there are some great blogs out there, the impact of each one varying according to the reader's personal taste. i know of food blogs, sport blogs, political blogs, news blogs, shopping blogs; the list goes on and on.

but what i think is the case for the average Ah Beng (or in this case Ah Linn) on the street is that blogs simply serve as a scratching post and often a canvas, ready for whatever is splashing across our mind to be translated into words and posted on our blogs. what is the purpose of doing this? i hope i speak for many others out there when i say that blogs yell for sympathy, empathy and the occasional dose of pitying comments. i don't know whether it's just me or it really is human nature for a person to want others to know the hardships and victories they go through, no matter how small and seemingly insignificant they are. isn't that what personal messages on MSN and facebook statuses are for? facebook really helps us out here. they literally ask us to tell them what's on our minds. and what, may i ask, is the purpose of this? well of course, it's so that all of humanity can know the little things that pop into our head throughout the day.

so it is true! we do have the natural tendency to seek out attention! however this is probably only for a percentage of us. some people don't give the slightest care towards splaying out their personal thoughts and feelings for the public to see. i highly admire such people. unless of course they're all chronically addicted to something or the other and therefore have no time for life's social aspect, in which case i'd feel highly sorry for them.

this issue of publicly displaying one's social life on networking sites such as Facebook or personal blogs suddenly came to me after a few instances where people (especially from church) have shot some cute comments at me regarding my facebook statuses. "Did you enjoy your avocado?" "How was your maths test? Did you slap that guy in the end?" sometimes i totally forget that i posted all this on facebook that i gape at them and wonder how on earth they knew. and that is what scares me THE most, the fact that i've been posting so much junk about myself on the Internet that i could even FORGET what i've posted! oh dear dear me...

so, back to the two rhetorical questions given at the start of this post. earlier today, i was feeling incredibly depressed. this is where words fail me. usually, i am pretty good at articulating my emotions and feelings to a high degree of accuracy; but now, i think i might have trouble expressing exactly how depressed i felt today. words have their limits, no matter how descriptive or provocative a word may be, the exact feeling can never be conveyed. this, i feel, is the inadequacy of language. anyway, i shall do my best. oh depression. i will not go so far as to say it was suicidal, or even cut-wrist-worthy, because it certainly wasn't. it most definitely wasn't that kind of depression. it was more like a quiet, aching depression; a depression resulting from yearning after various elusive things all at one time. it was like being dragged down into a deep dark chasm; the sinking feeling in my chest could have been analogous to that of the Titanic. any form of comfort from any person would've bounced right of me at that time. either that, or it would have wilted in the melancholy exuding from my pores. i don't feel that i'm going overboard with the adjectives here. i really did feel this way. OHHH i felt like i regretted so many things i had done in the past. why? why did i do this? why did i do that? OHHHH. i suddenly felt alone, isolated and unloved all at once. i also felt foolish, demented, mentally exhausted.

then i had to go for young people's meeting. i must say, i wasn't all that up for it. i had to drag myself to the car where Lee Ying was waiting patiently for me. i put my head on the windowsill and rolled my head around as the car bumped and hopped its way to the meeting. i'm sure i must've also uttered strange noises and mumbled to myself along the way. yes. i was that demented.

upon reaching the meeting, i immediately sat down and folded my arms across a pillow and looked down at my knees. i didn't want to say anything and i didn't want to look at anyone. i was in no mood, i told myself. people better watch out for me!!! such was my mindset, but oh you have to understand, i was in an unstable state at that time. luckily for me, the Lord intervened,

you know sometimes, when you are fully aware that you are completely NOT in your spirit and yet you still reject all feelings from your conscience, and then as if by God's hand (well of course by God's hand... what else??) everything that happens consequently only seems to speak to you? it's like, every hymn you sing, every verse you read, ever short prophecy that is shared by any saint, it ALL just seems to be talking to YOU! it's like God is literally pointing his finger at you, saying "OI ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME? YES I'M TALKING TO YOU" and you can't help but feel touched, scared and shy all at the same time. well tonight was like that for me. everybody started sharing about how whenever we feel out of our spirit, we really need to just turn to the Lord, because we have the resurrection and transcending power given to us by the Lord. it reminded me of the Day 2 portion i read in morning revival, talking about how the way for us to use such a power is to have the desire to get away from all deadness. and it suddenly dawned on me why i felt so depressed: it's because i felt dead!

of course, being a fallen human being, i couldn't immediately get out of my wallowing state of self pity. however as the meeting progressed, i began to shake myself into some sense and drag myself out of thinking about ME ME ME and i began to exercise my spirit a little more. it was good. i needed it.

many people were scared of me tonight. people who see me depressed for the first time often feel that way. because i usually convey an upbeat, cheerful and bubbly nature, anyone who hasn't known me for long will get incredibly puzzled and even frightened if they see me depressed. sometimes they look so spectacularly concerned for me that i want to suddenly burst out laughing despite my sadness. yes, that is how it is with demented people.

okay at this point i got interrupted in the midst of my peaceful posting by someone chatting to me on facebook (ironically) and so i have forgotten everything else that i intended to say. luckily, there wasn't much left to go. so i'll just end here by saying that death can really envelope us when we're in our worst situations. it's all down to how quickly we realize it, repent to the Lord and turn back to our spirit. and THEN the Lord will grant us the strengthening =]

Oh Lord Jesus.... be with me always...

callous words

like the spines of a prickly pear

knife-edge sharp

and the power to sting,

a gutting slice

a shameful blow

my face stains hot.

such poison.

chocolate at glenelg

a little sumfin' sumfin'

http://thoughtmagazine.wordpress.com/

my dear friend Adelene Lai has the most distinctive writing style ever. i could smell her pen ink from a mile away. and what's more she is an absolutely brilliant writer. i do wish she would blog more because her posts are so refreshingly witty and, more importantly, so frank and raw.

i always wanted to write with a style of my own. and i think Ade's writing has somewhat influenced my writing to try and win a niche of its own. i think it already has a style, if i'm not mistaken. and anyway, nothing CAN'T have a style, if we really think about it. right? any piece of writing that exists must certainly have a style, whether it be boring or interesting, most readable or most distasteful...

so yes. i hope i can start writing something substantial and word-worthy real soon. i received a recent email from Ade asking me to help spread the word about this new collection of short stories, articles and other random bits and bobs from the youths of KL (i hope i still qualify for this even though i now live in Adelaide) called Thought Magazine. you can go to the URL above and download the PDF; it won't take long.

to be honest, i skimmed past the first few stories and articles because, and i'm sorry for this but really, war-related matters really don't interest me much, especially the first one which i felt went a little overboard with the extravagantly descriptive sentences. is it just me? i don't know. perhaps i was all too eager to find Ade's article and read it. i did have a look at the artwork and some photos, though, being the visual person that i am.

words don't come easy to me. HONESTLY, they don't.

but i'm looking to improve this.

Penang

and here's another poem i wrote slightly more than a year ago... it was probably inspired by Isobel Dixon's "Plenty" which was one of my favourite poems from the "Songs of Ourselves" anthology we studied for IGCSE. "Plenty" is an amazing poem which really draws us a picture of the kind of world the poet was living in, and i feel that my own poem really does convey the appropriate imagery that allows one a peek into the world of my childhood.... i only spent an average of a month a year in my grandmother's house in Penang, and yet, some of my happiest memories stem from there... as i grow up, it gets harder to enjoy the liberty of staying at Ah-Ma's house. nonetheless, i hope to visit there every year... =)

just to let you know, my mum thought it was good and thus shared it with my dad and my brother. BAD IDEA.

my brother came up with a parody poem talking about his addiction to computer games while my dad complained that my poem didn't rhyme and thus couldn't be considered a poem... =_=

Penang

a resonating warmth greets my toes,
as I splash tap water
to bathe my dusty feet.

as I wash,
the pail is beautiful
and familiar in my hands,
and it smiles at me.

in the house,
every room smells of memories,
blankets, and the spin of the fan,
soothing the simmering heat.
an ancient clock ticks
to sound the passing of an age,
that flew
without us knowing.

and as the house swells with
laughter and tears,
the hands of the clock
refuse to turn back,
and buy us a little more nighttime.

but no matter how fast,
or how cruelly, dawn comes,
the pitter-patter of feet,
and the crunch of a biscuit,
and the taste of burning incense
will not cease to resound,
upon the ceramic walls of my
lost childhood.

sentiments.

here's a poem i wrote a long time ago... it used to be about a real experience that i had but obviously it's in the past now, so this poem just serves as a memory. i quite like the poem.. heh heh... it gets a bit emo at the end but that really wasn't my intention... i just kind of didn't know how to end the poem... =P

today
i bought a doll
with bubbled cheeks
and silken lips
and hair like dust in sunshine.

clothed in plain cotton
smudges on its shoes
and its soul
shined through its porcelain eyes.

we play together
like friends from birth
soul mates
siblings
lovers.

today
i bought a new doll
with eyes like mating butterflies
and a head of black velvet
rosy cheeks and rouged lips.

clothed in white silk
and a hat of ribbon
a secret smile
dances across its face.

and we play together
like strangers on a park bench
with nervous flutters
of our lashes.

but i think of my first doll
the doll i first loved
lying somewhere, unattended
lonely
vulnerable.

and i weep.

flow of life

Ephesians 4:29-31 says: Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but only that which is good for building up, according to the need, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, in whom you were sealed unto the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and anger and wrath and clamour and evil speaking be removed from you, with all malice.

These three verses were the scripture verses for Day 6 of Week 9 HWMR, The Divine Dispensing of the Divine Trinity: The Divine Dispensing of the Divine Trinity in the Believers' Living for the Building Up of the Church as the Body of Christ. They really touched my conscience.

I can't think of how many words that express malice, bitterness and anger that I've spoken to my fellow brothers and sisters over the past 17 years that I've been alive, let alone everyone else around me. Seriously! This word gave me a huge kick in the butt when I read it, making me realize what a dispenser of corrupt words I've been. And now let's set aside all the mean things I've said, what about all the vain words I've spoken over the years? Oh my gosh... And you can't believe how much time I've wasted discussing clothes, shoes and bags. I never thought I was a girly-girl but my girly nature has manifested itself. I AM GIRLY. I really need to pray to the Lord more that he would permeate my mind and thus renew it so that I would not speak so many vain words... I need to be more careful with what I say... =]

AND, today was the start of our much-anticipated 96 Lessons Training. It comprises of (duhhh) 96 lessons which will be covered over a period of 96 weeks. THAT'S ALMOST TWO YEARS. Every week we have to read, pursue and thoroughly study one lesson. Every day we need to cover a small bit. Every week we have to meet together in our study group and fellowship and pursue the lesson together. Every month, all the saints taking part in this training will meet together and we'll be TESTED on what we have been studying!!! Oh my gosh, it's almost like a Youth Preparatory Training back in Malaysia except this time I have to make it work alongside my college studies and other activities! WHOA. Really need the Lord's grace.

Despite the heavy schedule and demand of the 96 Lessons Training (we actually have Morning Revival criteria to fulfil now. We can't just do the usual calling on the Lord and merely reading the word for that day; we have to do all sorts of exercises), I am actually looking forward to it! The secret ingredient in this training is actually our day by day regulation. The more we regulate ourselves and constrict our daily living, the more we will benefit from this training!

Oh Lord Jesus! I consecrate myself to be trained and perfected by you, for the work of the ministry, for the building up of the Body of Christ!!! =)

typical rant.

okay i know how busy people can get. i mean, hello, i'm in college and i have so many commitments to carry out.

i have began serving in the children's meetings on Lord's Day and when i say children i actually mean kids who are only about 3 years younger than me. i'm practically one of them. what's more, the new morning revival that we have to pursue from next week onwards is actually TWO weeks at a time because we have two books that we'll be pursuing simultaneously. also, this Lord's Day will be the commencement of the 96-lessons training, which comprises 96 weeks of training material. i have to pursue it for an hour everyday, and i have to meet up with saints every week to have fellowship and pursue. what's more, i have assignments, projects, tests to study for, lab reports and various other annoying necessities that have to be carried out. do i like them? no! but that's life! if i want to get to medical school well that's just what i have to do!

and you think YOUR life is difficult? huh? wait until you get into my position, then you'll understand. you'll be crying out for attention.

you think YOU'RE busy? wait until you have to start juggling your school, social and spiritual life the way i do. wait until you're stuck in the middle of nowhere without the ability to just call up or text whoever i like at whatever time of day and wherever i am. think you'll survive? FORGET IT. you know nothing about survival.

sometimes i get so lonely i cry. you do NOT know the meaning of loneliness.

i know we shouldn't judge each other. i didn't judge first. rather, i was judged.

so let's leave it to God to be the judge yeah?

don't be so hasty to brush things away. you never know when they might disappear.

dizzy spells

today was probably one of the most - if not the most - sien days of my life.

it was partly my fault, because instead of using the first two hours of my three hour lunch break to compile my biology group report, i instead went shopping with Wengweng in Supré (THEIR SALE IS ABOUT TO END, OKAYY!!!). this resulted in carefree time-wasting trying on clothes and trying to decide on which skirt Wengweng should get. in the end, she got both. LOL.

yes, it took us two hours to go shopping at Rundle. and that was just ONE shop - Supré. imagine if we had wanted to go to more shops *shudder*. but nahh, we're saving our happiness up for HARBOURTOWN THIS WEEKEND!!!! =D bargain clothes, here we come!!!

it was only when i got to the computer lab at 10 Pulteney that i realized i had forgot to bring my own drawings of the specimens we viewed under the microscopes last week (each lab partner needed to submit his/her own drawings even though the report itself was a group effort). PANIC FLOODED MY MIND. i couldn't think, literally. luckily Angeline (Angel-ine) and Elle were there to help me out.

i called Peter to ask him if he could make an exception this one time and either extend the due date of the report or let me off without handing in any drawings. he did neither. he said it was my responsibility to make sure i bring my drawings and hand in my report on time. SIGH. but true, indeed it was my responsibility. at least i didn't bring down the grades of my lab partners, cos they brought theirs.

i looked at the percentage distribution for different components of our syllabus. THANK GOODNESS, practical reports had a mere 5%. but EVEN THEN, i could feel any chance of an MBBS slipping out of my butter fingers. i guess that was my kiasu nature coming out. I DIDN'T WANT OTHERS TO HAVE AN ADVANTAGE OVER MEEEE...

the stress piled up. when i got to biology lab class, Peter then told me that if i could go home quickly, pick it up, and bring it back to him before 5pm, then he would accept it. Any later and it would be a zero for us. EEK! you cannot imagine the amount of pressure that was upon my poor aching shoulders.

despite the tight schedule i had to keep to (2 hours to go home by train, fix up our report and making any changes, come back by train, walk ALL the way back along North Terrace to the uni, and then hand it in), my mind was flooded with relief, flooded to the point where my thinking skills were then drowned under the sudden tidal wave of relief. throughout the lesson, i kept doing stupid things. i left the hydrogen peroxide bottle open even after Peter repeatedly told us to close all bottles, i threw tissues containing bits of liver into the paper bin NOT the biological waste bin which i should have used instead, i ruined one of the pipette filler bulbs by squeezing the S-valve too hard and making the liquid shoot straight up the pipette and into the bulb. (i then removed the bulb, set it aside, and pretended it never happened. it was hilarious because later i complained to Peter that all the bulbs were faulty. he came over to me, picked up the one that i had ruined and said, "this one looks okay, but someone's gone and put liquid in it. oh well guess you'll have to use another one" HEHEHE SORRY PETER, MY BAD). i also was trying to shake the water off a tiny beaker at the sink, and with my caveman-like dexterity, i accidentally banged it against the side of the sink. luckily it didn't break. HAHA. oh yeah, i also didn't realize that the 1mL pipette was 1mL in capacity. i thought it was 10mL. so i was wondering why 1mL seemed like only a couple of drops of liquid... HAHAHA... like i said, my brain wasn't working...

anywho, i have to go to bed like pretty soon, so long story short, i managed to go home and get the report done, then i had to RUN for the 4:04pm train cos i had like 6 minutes to get to the stop. then i brisked walked to the student centre at the uni and printed out my report, and then i brisked walked to Jordan Labs to give it to Peter. i at least managed to squeeze some emotion out of Peter when he looked at me pityingly and said, "Aw, poor thing." Well at least i managed to get some exercise. haha.

so yeah. albeit the EXTREME exhaustion that resulted from today's fiasco, i am feeling AWESOME. praise the Lord. really, it was calling on His name that kept me going... calling on His name, and singing hymns absent-mindedly to myself.. yeah.. that about sums up my spiritual life... HAHAHA =P only joking. i still do morning revival XD

PEACE OUTTT

australian wealth

today i had ICE CREAM. not just ANY ice cream. i had WENDY'S ice cream =D

i had a regular double-scoop cone. although it was a little too much more than i had hoped for, i certainly do not regret it.

i have been walking countless steps around the city square, getting from one place to the next, and i therefore conclude that i deserve something fattening once in a while. the position of "something fattening" has been hereby filled by Wendy's ice cream. i might consider some Donut King donuts in the future.. they look really creamy and mmmm... (but they're like $2,50 or something; incredibly rip-off)

perhaps in the future i will just take the junior one-scoop which costs $3.60, only $1 less than the regular double scoop. i had one scoop of Honeycomb ice cream and one scoop of Chocollo ice cream, which was supposed to be 99% fat-free but i have absolutely NO idea how they accomplished that because it still tastes SUBLIME.....

unfortunately the pictures of me and my first Wendy's ice cream are on Wengweng's camera and thus i can't upload them.

BUT KNOW THIS: THE ICE CREAM WAS FANTASTIC.

I REPEAT MYSELF, THE ICE CREAM WAS FANTASTIC.

THE CALORIES WERE WORTH IT.

=)

friends exposed?

playing friends exposed on Facebook is one of my occasional past times. but it has led me to realise how little i know most of my "friends" until the point where i found myself pressing the "skip" button on numerous occasions, either because it would be weird if i posted something on their wall, or because i simply didn't know enough about that person to answer what was being asked. so what are these "friends", anyway? aren't they just profiles that add to that count on my own personal profile page? what does it matter, how many friends I've got on Facebook?

people think i'm mean for deleting "friends" off my list. but how can i call them my Friends when they used to ignore me completely and were even mean to me, let alone TALK to me... so i too will wipe them from my slate!

didn't mean to post something so negative.. but it was something i thought about as i walked back to North Terrace from Central Market (chinatown) today... yeah... i do a lot of walking, mainly because i'm scared to take the City Loop bus or the City tram... I'm scared that I won't know which stop to get off at! whereas when i walk, i can control my speed as much as i like.. heh heh... legs are still the best form of transport! =)

assignment time.

WOW i played on a Wii today at Sister Lucy's house. it was amazing. haha... a great work out! i did rhythm boxing, step exercises, snowball fights and some SUPER DUPER hula hooping. ahh, the wonders of technology! i sweated so much i had to take a shower there and borrow a t-shirt from Lucy.

and now... back to the dreary assignments. -_-

at least i've finished my maths assignment up til the last question (which we'll ask Paul about tomorrow) and most of my biology assignment, about 85%. i feel so adult-ish writing assignments like these! like i'm already in uni or something. hmm...

i'm glad that i have more friends now, especially those from malaysia and singapore. and i kinda like how everybody calls me "Linn" here.. it reminds me of my family... =)

i went to the Adelaide Fringe on friday night with Shuwanu, Wengweng, Shabihah, Gautham and Omar. it was sort of overrated. maybe cos i didn't have time to go on any of the amusement park rides. they looked great though!! i really wanted to ride something, cos i haven't been on any thrill rides for ages... But the queue lines were outrageously long and me and Wengweng had to get back early. so i took a ride from Wengweng's homestay mum to Greenhill Road where Lee Ying picked me up and took me home. It wasn't as simple and easy as it sounded... when it got dark, it became almost impossible to orientate ourselves amongst the huge crowds and the closed roads. we would never have got ourselves out of there if Ann (the homestay mum) hadn't found us. What's more, neither me nor wengweng had managed to grab some dinner before the Fringe parade started at 7pm, so we went hungry until like 8pm++ before we found Cibo Express and decided to eat there, despite the jawdropping rip-off prices. $10 just for a spinach quiche-thingamajigg and a SMALL ice mocha!!!

but it was a great ice mocha...

ANYHOW, it turned out okay. i got home, tidied up my room and went to bed straight after that. it was the earliest i've slept in ages!!!

BTW, the pics above are some Fringe photos i took with my phone.. dont know how to get them to come down here... the layout is going all poopoo and i don't know how to get them all nice and spaced out like in Celine's blog so that i can write captions and stuff... oh well... noobs will be noobs.

freedom of speech!

yesterday i had critical thinking class. although i'd probably known this subconsciously before, it was only made clear and apparent to me yesterday, that ANYONE and EVERYONE can post something on the Internet, and it can be ANYTHING. seriously! that kind of freedom gives me chills down my spine.

and now i'm typing with some sort of newly found liberation.

WEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

Malaysia sucks. KIDDING! haha. just testing out the liberation =D

so yeah, right now, i'm supposed to be doing some critical thinking homework using the Internet. i hate doing homework that needs me to use the Internet cos it tempts me to do other stuff i.e. facebook and MSN. =_= i need to have more self-control. haha.

warming up (finally)

well today was quite fun. i got to know all my little classmates much better today. haha... i'm such an idiot in front of people. i always act crazy and laugh-y (or maybe i am crazy and laugh-y?) but seriously i keep on laughing at my own self. haha.. like today we were talking about boyfriends (???) and one girl told me she already has a boyfriend. and i'm like "so young and you already have a boyfriend??? you're younger than me and I don't have one!!!" then there was a pause and we were all laughing and then i was like, "haha no la i'm only kidding i had a boyfriend long before you were born" and then i realized how super stupid that just sounded and she's only like, what, 3 months younger than me? AHAHAHAH!

good times, good times.

and then i was teasing this indian girl from malaysia about this other indian guy from malaysia (cos they're both indian, so it figures, haha) but she was totally denying it.. ahah... i love bullying people =D

graphic calculators are annoying. so many stupid buttons i have to press.

well i'm glad Celine and "Sophos" (hahaha) are reading my blog =_= that makes at least two people, compared to Celine's fanbase of thousands of people. hahaha.

and recently i learnt that SOMEONE is actually stalking my blog! SECRETLY! hehehe YAYYY!!!!! ^^

more updates soon (unless i get lazy and sleep in which case more updates in two weeks time)

some consideration

Question: can people REALLY be that insensitive?

Answer: Yes they can.

back to the blog

i have discovered what blogs are extremely useful for:

• distracting you when you're supposed to be reading up on critical thinking.
• gathering dust.
• being a very disloyal and public diary.
• being a listening ear for when the person you usually talk to isn't interested in talking at the time.

URGH. I COULD RANT FOR HOURS RIGHT NOW. THE STORIES I GATHERED TODAY ARE BURSTING OUT OF ME; UNFORTUNATELY, I WAS UNABLE TO UNLOAD THEM THE USUAL WAY. SO I SHALL POST THEM HERE.

i met an incredibly weird guy today. he was this Indian guy from Singapore (i'm really hoping he doesn't read this) and he came up to me, offered his hand, and was like, "Hi, what's your name?"

And I was just like, "Er..... Linn...."

"Oh, hi Linn! I'm Handsome Jack".

"So what do I call you?"

"Handsome." (A TOTAL LIE)

"........."

*long interval* (i decided to ignore him)

"so what's your name again?"

"....Prasheen..."

so yeah... all it takes is a little cold shoulder and "you're weird"-type facial expressions to squeeze the common sense out of people. LOL.

well it's late... so why am i still awake. oh yes, i've remembered. tomorrow, my first class only starts at 1pm =D which means i can get up a LEEDLE later than usual tomorrow. woo hoo!

of course i will still do morning revival, as i have been doing every day this week. YAY! JIA YOU!!! =) i find that it really does revive me in the mornings.... and it helps me to get up early too. haha.

i need to choose my friends more carefully. it's so easy to get sucked into the whole vortex of picking the wrong friends 'cause once you're in their little circle it's really difficult to get OUT and then to join a NEW circle.... so i hope to make friends with more of those other students trying out for medicine... wanna get into the whole mood of helping each other out.... cos even though we're all competing for the same limited spots, we should all still help each other out, right? then at the end of the day, it'll just be the survival of the smartest/most convincing during the interview/possessor of the highest ability to answer PQA-type tests. =)

so yeah. that's all i can remember that i wanted to talk about. there's a lot more. but i can't throw it on here. THAT PERSON MIGHT READ IT =)

and no, it's not you, Esmonde. in case you're reading this blog. i'd never write anything bad about you. why do i always direct my blogposts to you nowadays? oh yeah.. it's cos youre probably the only one who ever reads it now... oh and there's Niqi too, but she can't comment cos she doesn't have a blogger account =P

I LOVE YOU NIQI!!!!!!!

until next time. good night! =)

another hot day in un-paradise

Well here's the bare naked truth about Adelaide. It is indeed a boring place. But let's set aside the fact that the number of shopping malls here can be counted with the finger of my right hand; the weather is becoming increasingly annoying. One day it'd be the hottest most sizzling day you could ever imagine; the next day it'd be lovely and cool; then just when you thought everything was getting better, for some reason, Adelaide would put on a Malaysian façade and become all hot, humid and sticky. GOSH. The very reason why I thought Adelaide would be a nice change is because I thought it WOULDN'T be humid.....

Anyway, the weather isn't the real reason I'm writing. I'm writing mainly because today was officially my first day of college classes. I'm much too lazy to write it on here, because, number one, nobody ever reads my blog (I checked my followers, the only one following me is Esmonde, and I doubt he reads it anyway), and not everybody who comes across my blog by random change actually cares about what's happening with me. The ones who really do actually make it a point to talk to me every now and then. You know who you are =)

So yeah, all's well and good here, despite the temperamental weather. Making friends isn't a problem, and neither are the studies (at the moment, at least). But I really do miss Malaysia, and a few certain very special individuals within it.

HERE'S TO THE YEAR AHEAD; HARD WORK AND NO PLAY.

waiting for the flight at Changi

well i'm writing this post from Changi airport. i gotta write fast cos the Internet time is running out. 3.5 minutes left to go only.

anyway, i miss all my friends already! i miss dad and ko as well =(

i miss malaysia tooooo!!!!!!!

however, i'm looking forward to the long flight =) i'm gonna watch the movies, and then i'm gonna watch my anime! hahaha. oh dear. what on earth have i turned into...

xx

freeeeedom

I, Hui Linn Lee, have come up with the most awesome solution to my long-term problem. It's the problem concerning the White Bread. I have solved it! It's been making me annoyingly emotional and hormonal for the past few months. But I now have an answer to it!

It's so easy! It's so simple!

Last night, I was lying in my bed, contemplating the mysteries of the universe... Haha, kidding. I was just thinking about Fruits Basket =D

Well anyway, I was contemplating the near-perfectness of Yuki Sohma (Japanese animes really annoy me in that sense; the males are always so ideal). And I was thinking about my problem. And I could feel my psychological heart writhing uncontrollably under the immense suffering caused by this problem, mainly because it was such a tough one. On the one hand, I wanted to let it out. On the other hand, I knew I shouldn't let it out because that would cause even more pain and suffering and endless sighing (having studied CTS, we know that by utilitarianism calculus we should try to promote happiness blah blah blah blah). I felt like there really wasn't any other option but to opt for the one I knew I would regret. Sigh. So is the life of a teenager.

I fell asleep thinking about my problem.

And I woke up thinking about my problem.

And when I woke up, I realized that last night, I had already found the answer. I had already discovered a way out of this dilemma. I crushed my hyperactive emotions once and for all. It was so mind-blowingly ingenious that I even wanted to write a story about it... But of course I didn't bother, being the lazy bum that I am.

So yeap. It's done. It's solved. And now, it's aaaallll good. *thumbs up*

But shush! It's still a secret ;)

bonded by trauma

i love her!!!

one summer's day

well i just got back from singapore about an hour ago and i'm doing various things, such as listening to the Spirited Away soundtrack by Joe Hisaishi on YouTube... seriously, this guy's a genius. i love the song! i wish i could learn it but i'm sure the music score costs money, and it won't be cheap..

anyhow, singapore was great. the hotel i stayed in was amazing; probably the best hotel i've ever been too. as usual, mum and i raided the hotel room for cool freebies. haha. out of our best loot, we got some bars of white moss Acca Kappa soap. i can't believe they were giving them away like soup at a soup kitchen. we also took their ultra-comfortable bed room slippers. =)

i watched Spirited Away again =) this time, i watched the Japanese version. Ma promised to watch it with me. but she fell asleep even before we reached the part where Chihiro meets Yubaba. This emoticon is now extremely accurate--> =_=

she REFUSED to even try to keep awake! maybe it's because we only started watching the movie at 11:45PM =P

well it doesn't matter, cos she fell asleep and i had to carry on by myself =( she said it was boring and childish and she didn't understand why i liked it so much. OH IF ONLY SHE KNEW =D

so i watched the rest of the movie by myself, which was like, 95% of the movie. it was good, of course, but i still prefer the Walt Disney english dub version. it's easier for me to watch. but both are good la! i still prefer Haku's voice in the english dub. it's more masculine and more comforting ^^ ahhh.... i was making screenshots of Spirited Away scenes and pasting them in a Microsoft Word document.. haha... okay maybe a little too obsessed? =)

anyway, enough about Haku and Spirited Away. i did some quality shopping while i was in Singapore. i bought a pair of skinny jeans from Esprit (70% off!!!) and a Baby-G watch. well okay the watch was bought by my dad. hahaha. it's yellow and it's AWESOME. =)

i also got loads of ang-pows. good luck/farewell presents from the various aunties. what's more, they're in singapore dollars =D i also got some from my Penang relatives. woo hoooo!

they gave us free bath salts so i took a hot bath once a day for two days. it was much needed, if i may say so. running around the hospital on Ko's behalf was quite tiring. but praise the Lord that his condition has been diagnosed! it's a thyroid gland problem and he really needs to take care of his health now.. it was a weird feeling, rushing around the hospital that day.. We went to Mount Elizabeth Medical Centre to see the doctors there. it was very educational! i really respect them, and it kinda makes me wanna be a doctor even more... They were very kind to Ko despite his tendency to be irrational. Anyway, i was saying that it was a weird feeling. Weird because it was a mixture of feelings. On the one hand, i felt extremely tired because the lifts took too long to come so i had to use the stairs to run from the Laboratory to the seats where Ko was sitting. Up down up down up down up down GAHHHHH. Yeah. So it was pretty tiring. On the other hand, i was also feeling rather good about myself; i've always wanted to be sort of the big sis, right? And that was my chance. I felt really responsible talking to the doctors and the nurses on my brother's behalf, cos he was too upset to talk to them. The third feeling was a slight anxiety... It was mainly brought upon by my parents saying things like, "In Australia you keep his medicine for him, okay?" or "You must accompany him to see the doctors. Make sure he's OK." and other things like that. I know i should help out and be responsible for my family's sake, but i'm just 16 going on 17, having to take care of a 23 year old! Well i guess that's God's plan for me... He always knows the best ways to transform us... I just hope i can gain more of Christ during this entire process. And BTW, here's the premium statement made by my dad: "Your Ko's health condition makes me feel even more sure about you doing medicine, so that you can help him."

YEAP.

Well I'm glad that after two hectic chaos-filled days we were able to finally relax and have a REAL family dinner. we went to this amazing Italian restaurant! I think i've put on weight =( i haven't done any exercise since the Penang trip. I feel fat.

Anyway, doesn't matter! Cos it's ALLLLL good =)

More updates soon! One week left of Malaysia, then it's Adelaide. SIGH.

statuses

well actually i DO have a few little things to post, including some photos of ME sitting alongside Gurney Drive, accompanied by a very thought-provoking creative writing piece laying out my thoughts as i sat along the Drive. i'm trying to download ActiveSync so i can sync photos from Ma's phone to my laptop, but it's taking minutes...

update on ActiveSync download: 3 minutes left... =_=

it's taking ages, even with this high-speed hotel broadband connection. SIGH.

la belle mer

Yesterday night, I went to a seafood restaurant by the seaside for dinner. There were a few hand-made swings fashioned from rope and planks hanging from the thick tree branches.

Looking out into the blackness of the horizon, the line which separated sky from sea blurred into a serene uncertainty. The wind whispered ever so softly.

I hoisted myself onto the swing closest to the sea, feeling the rough rope squirming under the light touch of my fingers. I listened to the sea shushing the shore to sleep with its gentle waves crashing lovingly against the white sand.

The shore was in a cloak of shadow, but the waves and the wind kept me company. I don't know how long it's been since I last kept so quiet that I could hear the the timid swish of the sea, unfurling itself against the shore. I can't even remember when's the last time I visited the beach.

I used to know the sand and the sea as a plaything. As a young child, the beach was a playmate to me. But tonight, it stole the show. The spotlight was upon this lone performer on its vast stage, swaying to its own sad song, playing its melody to soothe its own churning soul.

When I left, it was still singing. I left it as I found it, melancholy and alone. I breathed one last ocean breath and then, as soft as the wind stroking my hair, I made my way back to the restaurant.

just one more =)

bunch of cuties

green eyes, blue robes, skinny legs, and a hairstyle to die for.

some of these fan arts are really good!! i love Haku's flip flops. LOL.

here's a random fan art i found of Haku and Chihiro that doesn't really look like the original anime but still it's quite sweet. unfortunately Haku looks even more like a girl than he already does.

SPIRITED AWAYYYYYYYY.

one of the sweetest awesomest cuddliest cutest FKJSDLKFJSDKHf-est movies i have watched in a long time. Haku is as sweet as ever; he hasn't changed a single bit since i first watched him in action when I was in Year 9. if anything, he's only gotten better! haha.

so here are a few things that either strike me, intrigue me, or make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

un.

Chihiro is such a cutie. she's supposed to be only ten years old in the movie but i feel that she's wise beyond her years, and she's much braver than she looks. if I was caught in a spirit world and my parents had just been turned into pigs and i had to deal with big-headed old witches and talking frogs and weird faceless spirits who have a crush on me, i would be pretty freaked out. (but i guess meeting Haku makes it all better. heh heh *goofy laugh*)

deux.

Haku is supposed to be twelve.

HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE????

And contrary to popular belief, he is NOT a sissy neither is he "girly". in fact he's the most caring, serious, dependable, MACHO young boy i've ever seen in my life. (both in the real world and in the virtual cartoon world)

trois.

i love it how Chihiro and Haku never say "I love you" at all to each other and yet have such an obvious attachment to each other. Reading Haku/Chihiro fan fictions are BAAAD for my emotions because they make up really heart-wrenching stories about the two characters that never took place in the original movie at all but for some reason i can just IMAGINE the story happening in my mind.. Like one really sad fan fiction involved Haku dying and his last words to Chihiro were along the lines of "I love you... Continue to love me even when i'm gone..."

AND I COULD JUST IMAGINE THE SCENE... gahhhhh so saaaad...

see what i mean? it's bad for me. BAAAD.

quatre.

okay mom is scolding me now because i forgot to bring our conditioner and now we have to use the hotel's crappy one. haha. also, Ko went swimming and i kinda feel bad not going with him but for goodness sake we just got to the hotel!! i wanna relaaaxxx. ;)

anyhoo, back to SPIRITED AWAY *excitement*

i find the concept of spirited away really good. it's such a frigging random theme and yet everything seems to gel together really perfectly. the whole Haku being Yubaba's apprentice thing and the entrance of no-face and the greedy bathhouse workers and Chihiro's cuteness and determination to work hard. haha. AWWW I LOVE HER.

cinq.

watching Spirited Away for a second time now reminds me how much Chihiro is like me. Small, helpless, naïve, not used to hard work (haha okay actually i am QUITE used to hard work) and spoilt.. but over the course of the movie we see her transforming into a humble, persevering, loving, caring and courageous young girl... many traits there that i could never possess on my own.

as for Haku, i think they have rightly classified him as a being of the "spirit world" since there is probably no guy like him on Earth. selfless, trustworthy, kind... he didn't even HAVE to help Chihiro but he just decided to anyway. Why? WHY did he do that? that's another thing i keep asking myself. it's like a mysterious moving love that nobody can see... i used to think that Chihiro is extremely lucky for being able to meet Haku, but then again, after having met him, it would be even more painful to leave him... So why the trouble eh?

let me now take the time to remind myself that THIS IS A MOVIE. IT IS VIRTUAL. IT IS NOT REAL.

alright, i've reminded myself.

suddenly, the real world seems more appealing. and anyway, we were never meant to live in virtual reality. =]